


i can fake it forever

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Russian spy Peggy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-29
Updated: 2013-04-29
Packaged: 2017-12-09 22:46:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/778827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time there is a girl. She's born into a world that not even the young can turn into a fantasy world, full of solid concrete built to hide the cracks inside. She is born Margarita. She is born to a good family. Her parents are members of the Party, they do what they can to support the cause. Their daughter is raised to follow in their footsteps.</p>
<p>So she does, she follows it all the way into the military.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can fake it forever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jouissant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jouissant/gifts).



> Title from Bionic Eyes by LIz Phair

Once upon a time there is a girl. She's born into a world that not even the young can turn into a fantasy world, full of solid concrete built to hide the cracks inside. She is born Margarita. She is born to a good family. Her parents are members of the Party, they do what they can to support the cause. Their daughter is raised to follow in their footsteps.

So she does, she follows it all the way into the military.

She is well to do so she knows English. Learned it young enough she speaks with no accent.

Anything she doesn't know, she learns quickly, excelling past any of her peers. Women like her get special training. They go to the Red Room and learn to listen to secrets and spread them. She learns to strip American weapons alongside German ones. She learns how to slide a blade between the vertebrae to paralyze a man.

But her assignment doesn't call for any of those skills. It calls for English and a quick tongue and quick mind. It calls for the ability to lose herself.

At the age of 20, Margarita Genrichovna Kartashova receives her orders to move to England. Her name is to be stripped from her and she becomes Margaret Carter. And everything else, her friends, her family, it's all to be forgotten.

The skills she learned for death are not to be put to use, she is only to send back information.

It is a hard mission, but she is loyal and she is strong. She'll go to the ends of the earth for her country. So in 1937 she steps foot on English soil.

It's harder than she expects, in ways she doesn't expect. Steps have already been put in place to get her into the SSR by another agent higher up. She doesn't know who and knows it's not her place to ask. She must focus first on establishing herself, making friends, solidifying her lies. Creating the back story of Margaret Carter, making her more then the name on a piece of paper.

She had been warned before leaving, that capitalism would be tempting. So much excess, but so much waste. But she manages. It helps her small stipend doesn't allow for much.

Except here, under the bright lights, things are expected. She stares at herself in the small mirror in her apartment. Makeup isn't foreign to her but she has never applied much before. There were other things to think about back home. More important things.

But now this is her life, these are the important things. She holds up the lipstick. Bright red. Garish and loud. Her hand shakes slightly as she applies it. Despite all her training, knowing this was accepted to fit in, it feels like a line she shouldn't be crossing.

It's for the mission and she must do whatever she can for the mission.

She stares at herself for a long minute after putting it on. She feels like a clown and has to fist her hands tightly to keep from rubbing it off.

It starts to look better as she gets used to it. She holds her head high as she leaves the tiny flat. This is what she was trained for and the people around her, average people, they have no idea. Men eye her, their eyes focus on the curve of her hips, the red stain on her lips and they forget everything else. She has a target tonight, a man who has information her handlers want and she needs to be stunning and forgettable. Nothing but lips and curves and long legs.

Her handler is annoyed that she doesn't sleep with him, but she refuses to go that far. Not with some stranger with sweaty palms who sees only lips and curves. She gets the information they want. 

It's almost easier when the war starts. Even easier when Russia changes sides, when she's suddenly not working among enemies but allies. Not that she can share this revelation with those around her. She must always be Margaret Carter. Even thinking of the life of Margarita is dangerous. At least the work with the SSR is consuming, and her time in Russia, her family, all of it seems to slip further and further away.

The red lipstick feels more natural.

In New York, there are fewer orders to go out and treat men. As she rises up the ranks, becomes closer to Colonel Phillips, it becomes about making sure their allies succeed. With a little skimmed off the top for the scientists back home to play with.

Steve though. Sweet Steve Rogers. She's managed to keep her distance from everyone else, but something about him. About his awkward smile that worms between his defenses. He doesn't notice the lipstick or how her uniform is tailored. Without even knowing each other, she feels connected to him in ways she never did back home. She wonders what it would be like to kiss him as she steals one of the vials of blood taken after Erskine's death. She wonders if he would care that her identity was a lie.

For the first time, she truly considers the idea of defecting.

But there is a war to fight, and she fights it for England and for Russia and the entire damn world. There's no time to think about herself. She doesn't even think of Margarita some days. Puts on her lipstick and walks out the door, if she's lucky enough to have a door. The headquarters hidden under London's street feels like home. 

But then in a flurry of ice and fire and death, the war is over and she is left once again on the wrong side, trying to figure out what the point is. The red lipstick becomes a shield, a warning. Her orders keep her with the SSR. The war is over but a new war begins to stir, threatening to be bigger and worse. Peggy just braces herself and prepares to face it head on when the orders come, calling her back.

"We've found a man in the ice," she's told. "We found an American and we will make him ours."

The difference between East and West hits her hard. English curses come to mind before Russian ones so she bites her tongue and swallows them all back. There is a Department X agent and a promotion waiting for her on the tarmac. Margaret Carter puts away her red lipstick for the last time.


End file.
